The 2 hour and 23 minute-long commercial for General Motors vehicles that’s more widely known by its shorthand name "Transformers" is now opening in theaters around the US. According to the Associated Press, although there are a few vestigial humans in the film…:
…the true leads are the Chevrolet Camaro, Pontiac Solstice, GMC TopKick and Hummer H2.
"You’re going to see these cars as the heroes. You’re not going to see the other actors," said Dino Bernacchi, GM’s associate director of branded entertainment. "These cars are the stars, literally, in the movie."
Wow, this really does sound like a great opportunity to get a close look at the latest GM products. And it only costs $10? What a bargain! Here’s some of the "branded entertainment" that moviegoers can look forward to in exchange for their sawbuck:
The word "Camaro" is mentioned a handful of times by various characters, and close-ups of the Chevy, Pontiac, GMC and Hummer logos get ample screen time.
"Product placement has never been so blatant, and the potential for a global platform to build brand awareness could not have come at a better time for GM," said David Koehler, a clinical marketing professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
"The younger demographic most likely to flock to the theaters is exactly what GM needs," he said.
But wait…wasn’t the film’s director miffed at this interference with his artistic process? Didn’t he hesitate to compromise his principles? Surely you’re joking; after all, this is Michael Bay, so when it comes to product placement he didn’t have any principles to begin with:
For the film’s producers and director Michael Bay, it was a natural to bring in GM on the project.
Bay has helmed a number of GM commercials and worked with the company on past films, including "Bad Boys II" in which a Hummer plays a central role in a car chase.
As if paying to be advertised to wasn’t enough, though, here’s what the audience has to look forward to in terms of the content around the GM ads:
[Bay] selected the Solstice to be the stylish and wisecracking Jazz, which was a Porsche in the 1980s. Rounding out the Autobot lineup are the tough-as-nails Ironhide (the TopKick medium-duty truck) and the medical officer Ratchet, which converts from the Hummer H2.
Thank goodness there won’t be any tired stereotypes in this film; just fresh, interesting characters all around. And when you think of Hummers the first thing that pops into your head is healing, of course, so having the Hummer as the medical officer is a natural fit.
Now please excuse me while I go pound my head against concrete for a few minutes.
To anyone considering seeing this film: why not just spend a couple of hours on the GM website and save yourself the ticket price?
The Distant Ocean 
Speaking as somebody who really liked the movie (and the father of an 8yo son who really liked it), I can safely say that unless you are into the sport of brand-watching, you will not be going out to buy a Hummer based on this movie. Who the bleep cares what the car is? It transforms into a giant alien robot! No actual Hummer does that. I’m just as likely to go out and buy a Peterbilt semi. More likely, actually, because Optimus Prime is inherently cooler than Ratchet, and Hummers are stupid to start with.
No, I’m afraid that the notion of brand placement for cars in movies is a stupid one.
Now, if you wanted to ask me about the gung-ho Americanism of the film (again, not surprising given its provenance) I could talk your arm off about that stupidity. And if you wanted techno-geekery about the implausibility of terrestrial weaponry having even a snowball’s chance of scratching a Transformer’s armor, well, I could give you that, too. But product placement for GM? Eh. I just think it’s further evidence that corporate management is made up of nine parts idiot to one part moron.
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I’ve expressed skepticism about the efficacy of Michael Bay’s product-placement pieces (“films”) before, but since then I’ve become less sure that they just don’t work. Sure, it probably doesn’t work on you, Michael, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work at all. Moreover, why are films being polluted with this sort of product-placement at all?
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